Game over

I'm going to call it a night, but here's my final thought: In a vacuum, Biden wins. But this isn't a vacuum. I think Palin performed far above expectations, but I hope we don't judge her relative to how much she previously sucked. Let me say this, though: I think Palin did well no matter how you cut it -- all personal disagreements aside.

I do think, however, Biden hit his stride at the end. And that won't go unnoticed.

A few things Palin will answer for: her comment about not wanting a media filter and another about wanting to increase the power of the VP. I also think she sounded incredibly rehearsed. I think that's lame, but I doubt anybody else does.

In the mean time, though, that's all folks. Thanks for joining. (Or, if you're reading this tomorrow or over the weekend, good luck making sense of what I was saying!)

Unable to name a single compromise

Palin just failed to name a single instance of compromise. She tried to chalk it up to Alaska being just adorable -- thanks, but no thanks. That won't fly tonight. This reflects poorly on her for two possible reasons, big ones: she is either unable to compromise, or has so little experience she's never had an opportunity. Maybe she doesn't know it, but compromise is the lifeblood of this republic. It's the only thing that makes a two-party system (a virtual duopoly) feasible. When you take compromise off the table, gridlock or something far more dangerous occurs: the tyranny of the majority.

Biden takes it home

Where has that Biden been? The one just discussing his life at home, his family, the tragic death of his wife and baby daughter, the difficulties of being a father, and what it's like to have one house -- not seven -- and for that home to be your one investment. That's the Biden who will take this home -- in every meaning of the word.

Soundbite of the evening

It doesn't have anything to do with the issues, because soundbites rarely do, but I predict their little "didn't get our jokes" moment will get the most airtime. It plays in Palin's favor since she cracked the joke, but I think it humanized both of them. It was a good a moment, and I tip my hat to Palin for that.

Now, Palin's "her reward is in heaven" phrase -- wag of the finger, I think. But that's a subject for another time.

Katie Couric, Palin's kryptonite?

What is it about Katie Couric that made Palin such a jiggling mass of Jell-O ignorance?

Could it be that all those conspiracy theories were true? That Palin intentionally bombed interviews for two weeks? Did she want to send expectations so low that comparing her to Dan Quayle seemed offensive--to Dan Quayle?

We'll just have to see.

The view from her house

After her mediocre performance during the second half of this debate (focusing on foreign policy), I have a couple predictions:

1. Her success during the first half will be tempered but not at all forgotten because she sounds kind of silly talking about the rest of the world.
2. Katie Couric will no longer be the first thing she attacks if McCain/Palin win this election. Couric will be second.
3. Russia will be the first thing she attacks--for obstructing her view of America.

I'm bored

Are you bored? If so, enjoy this...

CAT/BACON '08

The white flag of surrender

Ironically, the Palin/McCain ticket gets closer and closer to defeat every time they mention victory in Iraq. It is toxic to them, so I can't quite place why Palin is lingering on this.

I'm curious to see how this second half of the debate unfolds. Biden, above all else, knows foreign policy. Palin, on the other hand, can--well, you know. I'm not sure the view from her kitchen will fly as foreign policy experience tonight. But I'm also not sure she'll even mention that tonight. She's on message. She's charming. She's easy to understand without sounding like she has sacrificed substance. This is Biden's debate to lose right now.

Off-shore drilling

I wanna make sure everybody knows just how much oil off-shore drilling will provide relevant to the oil we consume.

Drill, baby, drill

Did you just see that line? When Palin corrected Biden on the chant, women hated it! Do they not like drilling, or do they not like it when Palin's feisty?

If you're watching CNN

If you're watching CNN, you can see their live focus group of uncommitted Ohio voters responding to the debate. Right now, they're liking Palin. But more interestingly is how they're divided: There's an orange line for women and a green line for men. During the presidential debate last night, it was divided by party affiliation. But here it's divided by gender. What does that mean? I dunno. Somebody smarter should tell me. But I do know whenever Palin mentions men, the line goes up. I guess that's just how us guys think.

Lapel pins

Biden: tiny
Palin: MAMMOTH

If I had known about their lapel sizes before the debate, I could have told you who would win hours ago. Those things are hotter than Lil Wayne right now.

BREAKING: Biden gets first laugh from audience with "ultimate bridge to nowhere."

Her pin doesn't look so big now does it?!

Biden's face

I love two-shots in debates. Watching somebody talk is as interesting as watching somebody listen. And the face Biden just had while listening to Palin says a lot: slight smirk, narrow eyes, absolute game face, but maybe a little apprehension. She's not doing badly. She sounds like the Palin I've seen in archived debate footage. This is uncanny. It's like when you see footage of George W. Bush speaking as governor of Texas--witty, knowledgable and coherent. The contrast is a little striking and a little confusing.

Good use of fear

As per usual, "fear" appears as quickly as possible. But that aside, Palin's first shot over the bow is surprisingly coherent and...good. Although her unblinking gaze into the camera is a bit off-putting.

Oh my god, Sarah Palin just winked at me! I'm smitten.

"And can I just call you Joe?"

And with that, Palin sets the tone of the debate. "And can I just call you Joe?"

This is the first time they've met, and the first laugh line of the debate.

Rules of the Game

Unlike last week, the debate tonight will not have the same free-flowing format. Responses must be limited to 90 seconds (for Palin's sake), and the candidates cannot directly address one another (for Biden's sake). One can only imagine the number of feet Biden could put in his mouth if he could ask questions of Palin.

So here are some more rules I thought of:

1. Answers that do not contain anecdotes of single mothers from Michigan who only work two jobs because they got laid off from their third will not be counted
2. All questions directed towards Gov. Sarah Palin must contain the answer within the question itself.
3. All questions directred towards Sen. Joe Biden must contain at least three, but no more than five, double-negatives.
4. Each candidate has three lifelines: Poll Ohio and/or Florida; eliminate two possible answers; and phone the ghosts of Ronald Reagan and/or John F. Kennedy.
5. Each candidate may take 5 minutes of maternity/paternity leave.
6. Every mention of "God's will" results in 20 extra seconds of response time.
7. Neither candidate can roll Gwen Ifill's wheelchair off the stage.
8. If Gwen Ifill cannot attend, the host will be decided by coin toss. The back-up hosts are David Letterman and Katie Couric.
   
9. The first candidate to reach 10 "that's what she said" jokes wins.
10. In the event of one candidate Rick Rolling another, the Rick Rollee must automatically forfeit.
    

What is an easy question for Palin?

Here are some softball questions: What Supreme Court decisions do you disagree with? What newspapers do you read? What do you know about our current VP?

Palin's answers to these questions have been off the wall absurd. She can't name a single newspaper. She can't name a single Supreme Court case (beyond Roe v. Wade, perhaps the only thing she can discuss coherently if not reasonably). All she could muster about Cheney is the infamous duck hunting incident, where -- you kn0w -- he shot somebody in the face. She appeared positively ecstatic to follow in his footsteps.

I have never met anybody in my life unable to name a single newspaper. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. She can't even name her kids. (Just ask Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper or Trig.)

This all begs the question, is there such a thing as an easy question for Sarah Palin?

VP Debate Tailgating

The question on everybody's mind concerning tonight's VP debates: What does a Palin failure look like? What does winning look like? The nature of this debate is so unpredictable, so unfathomable that we need to talk about it like we do the Iraq frickin' War.

I do know this: It's not about brains. When has it been? This is true of all modern debates, dating all the way back to the famous 1960 Kennedy-Nixon debate. Debates these days are no different than the rest of the campaign. They're measures of character -- not qualifications, but who appeals, who relates, who looks and sounds and thinks like you.

The problem is, what does "you" mean? It's hard to tell, but I'll tell you what I think tonight -- live and in HD. So grab some moose jerky and let's watch them get scrappy. Quite frankly, I'll be surprised if Palin's been prepped to the level of mediocrity.